7:15 am (Sydney) – Steven Morris (Morrey) fetches me outside my new flat. We are like to 2 kids in a candy store. the music is a selection of Bok classics by David Kramer, Leon Schuster. Morrey inserts CD and turns volume to max…. “is jy dan bang Joanna vir die Springbok span Joanna’”. Curios Sydneysiders walking their dogs, heads turn. Morrey assures me that they do not understand and never will. We are not in a country that understands matters so important as the Boks. But we shortly will be...
We fetch Mark Sainsbury and with music blearing through Sydney’s posh Eastern Suburbs my SA flag is tied to the window and flowing in the wind. Today we are going to Wellington to watch the World Champions. We decided immediately that for the duration of our stay we would adopt only this title (The World Champions) and not refer to them as the Springboks - win, lose or draw, we were on a mission to make friends!
9:15 am (Sydney Airport) - Meet Chris Botha…. the dark horse of the tour. Chris a likeable individual and excellent tour man. He had learned this from his experiences playing blind side flank for Zimbabwe in the 1991 World Cup. He would be my room mate for the 1 night pilgrimage. Breakfast in the Qantas lounge and our first round of beers.
9:35 am – board flight and cause immediate scene by insisting that we sit in the same row, eventually 2 pensioners agree to swap seats so the children can sit together. After some short and concise arguments we decided that I would be the tighthead and take the window seat and anchor our front row. This would prove to be an unfortunate selection later in the flight. Morrey, the most restless and nervous of the 3 would be loosehead and Bourrie would hook.
11:35 am - Roughly 2 hours into a very uncomfortable and packed Qantas flight Steven (from loosehead) manages somehow to miss Bourrie at hooker and pour an entire bottle of Cabernet/Merlot into my crotch.
My seat is a swimming pool. My underpants the shallow end. Glug glug glug says the dinkie as none of us manage to reach it to stop the flow. It empties.
Brilliant! What a start. Much laughter at my misfortune I was comforted by the Kiwi Airhostesses who then assured me very politely and in a completely dignified manner that we would have a great night in Wellington but would NOT win the Rugby. They would be very right and also the last 2 women I would see until we arrived back in Sydney.
14:00 – NZ time – We touch down in the Land of Long white cloud. I have managed to changed clothes but not overly comfortable and stink of Red wine. Steven becomes extremely animated as we are about to pass through immigration and shouts out very excited : “Bazza ….now this is a country….they have there own Rugby channel…..this is a country” Customs loved us. When Steve presented his landing card, it reads: Reason for visit: 1. Work or 2. Holiday or 3. Conference or 4. Visiting Family or 5. Wedding. 6 was Other. Morrey went with "Other". When asked to provide details, he went with "Pilgramage."
15:10 (NZ) – We convince cab driver that we should fly SA flag from outside his taxi as we drive through the centre of Wellington. Being from Fiji he was only too delighted and hopefull of Bok victory to silence the Kiwi’s.
15:25 – Arrive at 5-star Intercontinental hotel. Greeted by All Blacks who are sharing our hotel. Brad Thorne is in reception. He looks nervous when he sees us walking in. Meet up with Chris Carrol – our tour captain - and Johnny Taitz who have already been in Wellington for 2 days and scoped out the place for suitable watering holes. Johnny is a doctor of some repute – this is a good thing, we might need him later…We proceed to the best pub in Wellington. En route we are struck by 2 things. The freezing weather which we are told is about to get much worse about kick off time and the massive giant screen that they have up in the Town Square which is showing classic NZ vs World Champions classic clashes. World class!
16:00 – pub time pre game banter. We are reminded constantly by locals of 2 things. 1. It will be very cold tonight. 2. We will not win. Again very politely and nicely. Sainsbury is getting ready for confrontation with argumentative 1 eyed Kiwi fans but at this stage no one is biting. He would find them later at the ground.
19:15 – pre game excitement is fever pitch. The weather is now artic and and look into the harbour and for a minute thought I saw an iceberg. The All Blacks summons there ancestors from the Heavens to join them for the match as the perform the haka …….you can here a pin drop in the stands. It is a cauldron. 5 of them come from Rugby heaven(all good players) …I think even 2 dead All Blacks arrive and take up there positions in between Carter and Sivivatu. The ancestors have a blinder as do the AB’s. I now know why it is so hard to win a test match in NZ.
20:10 –. Poor missed tackle Nonu and by 1932 All Black Wilson Winneray on the goal line lets Habana in. We go completely mental and then realize how alone we actually are in the sea of black jerseys.
20:11 Game takes turn for the worse. We lose our Captain. Morris - usually the picture of optimism, assures us that the loss of Smitty is fatal. We tell him to shut up. We know he’s right. AB’s in control/ Bourrie becomes irritable and lashes out at what he described as Wit Kak sitting in front of us calling the man a “Tit’. His wife asks if Mark means Tit like Boob? Mark says he does. She asks why he has called her man a tit. Mark says it is because he is a tit.
21:00 – It all over. The AB’s + ancestors have done a job on the World Champions. Much doom and gloom from Morris who has walked out with 2 mins to go and misses Bourrie's final tirade at a group of AB supporters who are now putting the boot into us properly.
00.00 - Its around the time that I realise the entire pub is singing American Pie. Infact they have been singing anything the DJ has played for the last hour. We are sounding pretty good (I think) but I cant be certain. this continues for 3 more hours in which time we all drink another 47 hundered beers. we have now had a thousand beers each, the 2 half jack's Morris has smuggled into the ground in his attempt to make like a St Bernard. Difference is that it is walmer in the ski fields of Norway. And then there were also the Sambookas that Chris 'Dark Horse' Botha thought a good idea to procure. It is messy with a capital F.
Not sure of the time, but its about now that Jake the Muss's bigger cousin take offense to Mark Sainsbury. He is in a very long queue of people who have taken offense to Mark. I think he is going for a world record.
01.30am - I donate my springbok scalf to a Tongan bouncer as an award for passion. and girth. He had asked me 3 times. I read somewhere in the bible once about asking 3 times. I thought it a good idea to comply. I also read that thow shalt not kill - I wasnt sure where he stood on that.
3:15 am – we stumble back into hotel. Mils Muliana, Leon MacDonald, Richie Macaw and few other boys still up in hotel bar. I run for the lifts. My present company had the potential for a major international incident.
3:16 am – Big hit of the night. Is Bourrie on me as we get out the lift. Terrific stuff. I had dropped my key and Sainsbury saw his opportnunity. Guthrow never hit that hard all night.
4:06 am – food arrives in Bourrie and Morrey's hotel room – they claim they did not order it, they also didn't eat it. Rather, they actually slept in it. Morris woke up sure he was bleeding (tomato sauce) and found a chip stuck to him. His club sandwich was squashed and complete.
7:10 am zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
10:00 am - Switch on TV. Its Kiwi Idols – A group of young Maori fellas performing a haka with judges and studio audience. Now this, this is a country!!
11:00 am Breakfast debrief. I spot a bird species. A Gannet that is commonly found in the south pole if Im not mistaken. Mmmmmm. The artic winds blowing through my bones remind again of why it is nearly impossible to win in NZ.
12:00 Arrive back to check out and Chris Carroll is in conversation with hotel Concierge, named Ian. Naming Brad Thorn as the best league - union convert ever. Morris mentions Tommy Van Vollenhoven. Concierge names him as a '56 Bok. Prompting Morrey to again quips: “ You see what I mean?? You see ….Boys, this, now this is a Country!”
12:30 All Blacks leave hotel. Leon Macdonald refuses to sign autograph for some 5 year old kid and waves him on like a trafic cop. Never liked him anyway. Glad he’s been dropped. Sadly they didn’t look as battered as we were hoping. Graham Henry leaves last and is his rather smug self.
3.40 - The plane takes off - sitting in 12C is match referee Stuart Dickinson, what are the chances that in 12B is Steven Morris and 12A Mark Sainsbury? Its ok Stu, its only 3 hours! But there is nowhere to hide. A flight he'll never forget.
All in all a fantastic experience in a country that loves Rugby more than anything else and it is a privledge, and an honour to watch a Bok test in a place like that. We will definitely be back!
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